Passionate love is a romantic relationship experienced in a very intense, obsessive, even frenetic way. It is characterized by an exaltation of feelings: “It’s wanting to be with the other permanently, to possess the person, to touch them, to feel them; there is a form of idealization of his or her partner and an obsessive lack in his absence”, adds Milène Leroy.

Unlike fusional love, which refers to a relationship that appeals more to the psyche since the bonds are based on common thoughts and values, passionate love is more physical. “For the latter, sexuality occupies an almost central place. Fusional love wants to be more caressing and tender. Over time, the sexual relationship may even no longer exist,” says the sexologist.

“Where love allows the loved one to be free to flourish through what nourishes him; passion leaves no room for anything else except the idealized person” details the sexologist. The notion of dependence is also linked to passion, while love refers more to tenderness, to a softer feeling.

“Passionate love is an unexpected and almost inevitable relationship when it invites itself into the life of a duo. This intense connection between two beings is impossible to provoke”, comments Milène Leroy. She adds: “This bond can affect anyone at any time in life: young, married, divorced, heterosexual, homosexual…it doesn’t matter.” Which could, for example, explain why a 70-year-old decides to put an end to a long-standing marriage to live out a romantic passion.

“Not in absolute terms, even if it’s possible. People who are more vulnerable to passionate love can indeed suffer from an affective dependency syndrome, fear of abandonment, or even erotomania. (Editor’s note: a psychological disorder which is characterized by the delusional conviction of being loved)”, adds Milène Leroy. People who like extreme sensations and who do not hesitate to take risks are also more conducive to passion in their romantic relationships.

Passionate love is sometimes described as love at first sight, the partners feel overwhelmed by their mutual attraction beyond all reason”, specifies Milène Leroy.

Emile Zola even said: “Passion is still what best helps to live”, what do you think? “It’s true!” replies the sexologist. “Passion makes it possible to forget what is around. to love passionately, it’s vibrant, exhilarating and makes you feel alive. It’s an unforgettable experience, why refuse a trip that seems heavenly? “, she asks. “Passionate love allows you to know another part of yourself, to change your habits, to do things differently than what you have always known and to be able to share it as a couple, with another who thinks and feels as much ‘obviousness’, details Milène Leroy, qualifying: “These advantages are however often short-lived and lead, over time, to a lot of suffering.”

“The idealization of the other makes it possible to go beyond many limits. The limits of love but also the limits of pain. Passionate people often say to themselves: “No matter what has been done or said, the other will come back because our love is more powerful than anything and without limit”, explains the sexologist. “But under the guise of love, they actually justify all kinds of more or less decent behavior: arguments, verbal or non-verbal violence pass between them. It’s a form of everyday wear and tear.”

“Passionate lovers do not necessarily feel understood by the world around them, so they prefer to isolate themselves and live their love in a kind of eight-closed, certainly feeling free but isolated.” It will often take them time to realize that they have forgotten about it for the rest of their lives. From this situation can arise a great feeling of loneliness.

Passionate love leaves little room for oneself and for sharing the other with others. “The partners find it difficult to accept that the other can have other activities without him or her. To this can be added an unhealthy, even destructive jealousy.” With emotional blackmail and its perverse effects that can be accompanied, but that’s another subject.

“The other becomes like a drug that we can no longer do without. “Symptoms of withdrawal manifest themselves in the same way: physical pain, over-excitement, palpitations, sweating, anxiety, insomnia…” The partners say: “We love each other, there is nothing wrong but it’s a protective reflex. In reality, they are suffering deeply.”

The sexologist adds: “Despite all these perverse effects, people who have experienced passionate love are often able to affirm that their relationship was so strong that in the end it was worth it and can say: “I would have landed the moon for the other.”

“Passionate love rarely lasts over time. We are talking about a scale between three months and three years…” And if there is a link with PEA (phenylethylamine), a natural hormone that acts as a euphoric veil , it is therefore difficult to establish a direct link between the duration of passion and the latter “explains the sexologist.

“It’s rather rare to make her evolve favorably given the extent of the damage caused by such intense love. However, it can happen especially if the partners feel a real love for each other and that they become aware of the harm they are doing to each other and also to those around them”. For this, a follow-up with a practitioner in psychology or sexology can be highly beneficial. “Both partners must settle down and express their real expectations to prevent old failings from taking over. Is it important to ask the right questions together and to know what the common objective is? If the fundamental quest is to want to continue together because there is a sincere love, the will could for example be that of balancing things: feelings, time spent together… Basically: reintegrating a kind of norm of love with a healthier and more agreeable language and deeds.”

Couples who experience passionate love often do not realize the intensity of their story and the consequences it can have on their lives in general. They are as if hypnotized by their idealized partner. “Only the time or sometimes, the entourage (family, friends…) or extreme situations (physical or psychological violence) passed between the two partners can help to find common sense and remember that they are living a form of singular love. But sometimes, it can take several years before this harmful passion fades”, continues the sexologist.

As seen above, the passionate relationship is a rather destructive and intense form of love in every sense of the word. “However, people can manage to bounce back by taking positive advantage of what has happened to them and return to what is good and soothing for them and those around them. Children, if there are any, can also be a beneficial engine to motivate the parent “trapped by passion” to find his place with his family”, concludes Milène Leroy.

Voltaire also said: “True passions give strength, by giving courage.” To meditate…