Specific to each individual, sexual desire or “libido” varies throughout life. In women and in men. Why do we no longer want to make love? What can we do ? Only ? Together ? Advice with Dr Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist and sexologist.
The term libido refers to THE sexual desire. The libido is specific to each individual: each can experience more or less desire. What is very important is “thatthere is no so-called normal libido. So, if we live with someone who has the same rhythm, we are happy. If the two partners have different rhythms, it can be a problem“, explains Dr. Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist. The libido can vary between individuals, or, in the same person, according to the periods of life. The decline of desire, or drop in libido, leads to a decrease or a total loss of interest in sexuality.
In the woman, libido is strongly correlated with hormonal secretions produced mainly by the ovaries. “The excitement that triggers desire is supported by androgens, male hormones secreted in small doses“, specifies the sexologist. Other hormones, estrogen ensure the lubrication of the mucous membranes. These hormonal secretions therefore play a major role in the proper functioning of the female libido. “Low libido usually occurs during pregnancy, around menopause or after a serious illness“, adds Dr. Sylvain Mimoun.
In humans, hormonal secretions consist mainly of testosteronea male hormone, but secreted in small quantities in women. “It’s the same hormone except that the quantities are not at all the same”, brings Dr. Mimoun as clarification.
When a decline in desire sets in, you must first understand the mechanisms and causes. Sexual desire is unique to everyone and depends on many factors, such as our culture and our personal history, everyday events… A decrease in sexual desire can be caused by:
► Psychological, emotional or physiological disorders. “Indeed, an illness, or other traumatic events can influence the psyche. Vital energy is affected, the woman withdraws from her body. It is logical that there is then a decrease in sexual desire“, explains the gynecologist.
► Medication, hormonal changes, use of psychoactive substancesfatigue and stress can also be the causes.
► The regularity of sexual intercourse also plays a key role in libido. : “If we haven’t had sex for a long time, our body is no longer used to reacting. We let him fall asleep, even die out. The sexual organs only work if we take care of them! We can lose the habit of making love, the sexual appetite in short“, concludes Dr. Mimoun. The decline in passion that occurs in a number of couples over the years is a reason frequently cited to explain the decline in desire. Routine, badly or never expressed expectations, can lead to a decrease in desire. A stressful way of life, a heavy workload, the multiplication of family or sporting activities… can gradually lead to a lack of time to devote to sex.
► Tell your partner about it: Do not hesitate to raise the problem of the decline in desire. The partner stays most affected person : he/she can also feel the same anxieties, the same doubts. Talking about it, expressing everyone’s questions together can only be beneficial for your couple: “Emotional complicity is essential in a couple. If the partners discuss what appeals to them, they feel close, in tune, and desire comes naturally.t”, explains Dr. Sylvain Mimoun. We can also discuss this issue with trusted friends.
► Surprise yourself to maintain the desire: It is possible for a couple to flourish throughout their sex life. For that it is necessary surprise yourself, renew yourself, travel, shake up habits rooted in everyday life, improvise, play, share, exchange… “It is a general harmony. It is necessary to be in phase with oneself and with the other, with the progression of the excitation at one and at the other… In this manner, the things can proceed favorably. Once the body is functioning well, it normally continues to function well. It is therefore necessary to avoid making stops, as this can be problematic after a while.“, advises the sexologist. And to add “if a woman hasn’t made love for a long time, I give her discovery exercises, to wake up her own body vis-à-vis herself, then vis-à-vis the other“.
► Consult a doctor: If the loss of desire brings suffering, you can consult a doctor, in particular a sex therapist. “Learning self-hypnosis can also help to better manage your own body. This exercise, which may seem far from sexuality, in fact allows you to be closer to your emotions, but pleasure is an emotion. Something physical, but also emotional. And when both are present, the pleasure is much more complete“. The lack of desire affects many people, more or less often during their life. No need to worry if it does not cause you a problem. Without being a miracle, some natural solutions to look for in plants or essential oils can give a boost and then stimulate sexual desire.
Be careful, however, to always use these solutions respecting the dosages and contraindications.
On the health forum: discussions about the libido
► The term libido refers to sexual desire.
► In women, libido is strongly correlated with hormonal secretions.
► Having sex regularly maintains the libido.
► If the partners discuss what pleases them, they feel close, in phase, and the desire comes naturally.
► Routine, poorly or never expressed expectations, can lead to a decrease in desire.
Thanks to Dr Sylvain Mimoun, gynecologist and andrologist.
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