Defuse conflict in 4 steps

As a couple, family or at work, there are frequent occasions for disagreement. This is not a reason for this to degenerate into an argument for the umpteenth time. The keys to better manage a conflict and avoid an escalation? Learn to manage your emotions and accept to listen to others.

Disagreements are often expressed in the mode of reproach. We respond with counter-arguments, in a game of ping-pong that leads to an argument. To defuse the conflict, you must first prevent yourself from fighting back. Seeking to be right is counter-productive!

If you feel insulted, it is better to interrupt the exchange, meaning that if you are open to dialogue, you do not accept the insult.

In a conflict, everyone’s first need is to be listened to. Do not speak in place of the other, and let him go to the end by forbidding you any judgment. Everyone has their point of view, based on their history, their experience and their feelings!

It is also necessary to accept that the other can express themselves awkwardly and get carried away, and recognize that it can happen to you too.

• start with state the facts as objectively as possible. For example: “You didn’t remember my birthday” or “For the second time, you canceled our party because of your work. »
• In a second time, describe the emotions what these facts produced on you: “I felt angry, I had the impression of being insignificant…” These principles of non-violent communication promote listening and empathy.

“The final step is toexpress your needs in a clear request », explains Christophe Carré. For example: “I need to feel that you trust me and I would like you to delegate the responsibility for these meetings to me. »

Faced with someone who has difficulty expressing their needs, you can help them by rephrasing their request: “I understand that you would like…” When everyone has been able to express themselves, everything is in place to find a compromise that will move the relationship forward.