Categories: Health & Fitness

Defuse conflict in 4 steps

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As a couple, family or at work, there are frequent occasions for disagreement. This is not a reason for this to degenerate into an argument for the umpteenth time. The keys to better manage a conflict and avoid an escalation? Learn to manage your emotions and accept to listen to others.

1. Discuss without counter-attacking

Disagreements are often expressed in the mode of reproach. We respond with counter-arguments, in a game of ping-pong that leads to an argument. To defuse the conflict, you must first prevent yourself from fighting back. Seeking to be right is counter-productive!

Silence plays a protective role, deciphers Christophe Carré. It prevents escalation.

If you feel insulted, it is better to interrupt the exchange, meaning that if you are open to dialogue, you do not accept the insult.

2. Listen sincerely

In a conflict, everyone’s first need is to be listened to. Do not speak in place of the other, and let him go to the end by forbidding you any judgment. Everyone has their point of view, based on their history, their experience and their feelings!

Listening cannot be reduced to a passive attitude, adds the specialist. You have to try to understand the person, and show that you are attentive with nods or short words, such as “yes”, “agree”.

It is also necessary to accept that the other can express themselves awkwardly and get carried away, and recognize that it can happen to you too.

3. Separate the facts from your emotions

  • start with state the facts as objectively as possible. For example: “You didn’t remember my birthday” or “For the second time, you canceled our party because of your work. »
  • In a second time, describe the emotions what these facts produced on you: “I felt angry, I had the impression of being insignificant…” These principles of non-violent communication promote listening and empathy.

4. Aim for compromise

“The final step is toexpress your needs in a clear request », explains Christophe Carré. For example: “I need to feel that you trust me and I would like you to delegate the responsibility for these meetings to me. »

Faced with someone who has difficulty expressing their needs, you can help them by rephrasing their request: “I understand that you would like…” When everyone has been able to express themselves, everything is in place to find a compromise that will move the relationship forward.

To read : Get out of conflict And 50 exercises to resolve conflicts without violence, Christophe Carré, ed. Eyrolles, €10 and €9.90.

#Defuse #conflict #steps

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